stagnant mind

desperada, freak, insane

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

—Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones (via psych-facts)

Random: Fear

I can feel the uncertainty and the pressure of what my life’s going to be. Now that I quit my not so stable job, I feel so lost and confused of what I will do. It slowly sinked in me the reality that I don’t have a job, that I will not have money, that I don’t even have a plan. That my reality is a doom.

People at work, my friends asked me, why I resigned and I told them I am taking a leap of faith. But I felt like I jumed into my own insanity.

I would like to say to myself, stop overthinking! Take one step everyday. Live life wonderfully in the present. But these are just words that instead motivates me, made me more angry. How can I not stop overthinking when it’s in my nature to overthink? How can I stop overthiking when I have all time in the world? How can I take one step a day when I don’t even want to take a step because I am totally freaked out of what the effects of my decisions will be?

Yes, I am afraid. Yes, fear gets into me. I looked strong in the outside but I am weakling inside. I fear that my life will be a total freak show of miseries. I hope not. I should conspire my universe. I should not give up. I shouldn’t!

So there, me doing self talk. Me being ambivalent. Me getting all strong and mighty despite all.

Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.

—Steve Maraboli (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

Movies and tea for this cold weather. I am home. #happydays  (at Sunrise Village Tiguma, Pagadian City)

Movies and tea for this cold weather. I am home. #happydays (at Sunrise Village Tiguma, Pagadian City)

When you’re traveling, you are what you are, right there and then. People don’t have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.

—William Least Heat-Moon 

(Source: psych-facts)


I understand, all right. The hopeless dream of being - not seeming, but being. At every waking moment, alert. The gulf between what you are with others and what you are alone. The vertigo and the constant hunger to be exposed, to be seen through, perhaps even wiped out. Every inflection and every gesture a lie, every smile a grimace. Suicide? No, too vulgar. But you can refuse to move, refuse to talk, so that you don’t have to lie. You can shut yourself in. Then you needn’t play any parts or make wrong gestures. Or so you thought. But reality is diabolical. Your hiding place isn’t watertight. Life trickles in from the outside, and you’re forced to react. No one asks if it is true or false, if you’re genuine or just a sham. Such things matter only in the theater, and hardly there either. I understand why you don’t speak, why you don’t move, why you’ve created a part for yourself out of apathy. I understand. I admire. You should go on with this part until it is played out, until it loses interest for you. Then you can leave it, just as you’ve left your other parts one by one.

Persona (1966)

I understand, all right. The hopeless dream of being - not seeming, but being. At every waking moment, alert. The gulf between what you are with others and what you are alone. The vertigo and the constant hunger to be exposed, to be seen through, perhaps even wiped out. Every inflection and every gesture a lie, every smile a grimace. Suicide? No, too vulgar. But you can refuse to move, refuse to talk, so that you don’t have to lie. You can shut yourself in. Then you needn’t play any parts or make wrong gestures. Or so you thought. But reality is diabolical. Your hiding place isn’t watertight. Life trickles in from the outside, and you’re forced to react. No one asks if it is true or false, if you’re genuine or just a sham. Such things matter only in the theater, and hardly there either. I understand why you don’t speak, why you don’t move, why you’ve created a part for yourself out of apathy. I understand. I admire. You should go on with this part until it is played out, until it loses interest for you. Then you can leave it, just as you’ve left your other parts one by one.

Persona (1966)

(Source: michellewilliamss, via man-of-prose)

Happy Birthday!

To franstar, happy birthday. May God bless you more candles to blow, more life to live, more laughters to share with wonderful people, and more blessings to come. Please, please do continue to create haikus and typographies. ;-)

It doesn’t interest me… what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me… how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me… what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know… if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know… if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me.. if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know… if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know… if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, Yes.

It doesn’t interest me… to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done…

It doesn’t interest me… who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me..where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know… if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

franstar:

“Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.” 
- Lemony Snicket

franstar:

“Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.”

Lemony Snicket